I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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