That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Randomize