I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
