Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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