Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Randomize
