I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
My sheets look like a crime scene.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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