i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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