i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
