i jhust puked up my retainher.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
