so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
where does the pee come out of this thing
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
