We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
