You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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