He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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