i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
