Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize