as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize