I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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