im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
