getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
