Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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