we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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