if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
