The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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