Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
