I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
