shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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