I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
