I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
