I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
