I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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