Are we in a gay sports bar?
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
