i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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