I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
