Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
