never play flip cup with pint glasses
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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