Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Randomize
