Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
They have beer where we have blood.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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