Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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