bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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