We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
