With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
