I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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