Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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