You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
