I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
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