Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
