i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
