and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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