Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
