Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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