yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
