So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
