I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
