Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
