I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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