I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize