I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
