Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Randomize
