I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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