I heard we made out
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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