but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
