whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
