maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
