yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
