I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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