I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
